lyrics

_

The first part of this page is copytyped notes
from a notebook found in the van which I sold this week (1.2012)
some scribed kindly by Kat while I orated from words that flowed while driving,
sometime during the last 2 years before she left, as wildcats do.
Other notes made while waiting for whatever purpose.
This collection if it deserves a title is from a line in the jotter called;

The Elements Of Imagination

We give birth to ghosts in human form,
run amok as soon as we are born,
refined as generations, defined...

I waited hours
when you stood me up
take your Powers
it's so abruptly over
during every moment
of your whispered Kiss
as I stare
into the abyss
you left in me
And you can sleep forever
once the pain is taken
you go deeper than unknowing
once the seal has broken
tainted by the perfect danger
that you know inside
It's stranger in familiar comfort
Than the one you comfort
In your arms

All the trees of the forest
are a crystal

Welsh haiku;
Winter wash
Rain slakes from slate roofs
Grey days

Safe ones are the ones with
Space in their heads.
The Shut ones are Zombies.
Then there's the ones with Winds.
Shut ones are damaged they are blocked.
Wind ones are driven.
Overlays - the winds have texture.
It's like a tunnel of sounds, reverberating, echoing,
of other minds working through them.
What we do in the physical
is a symbol for what we do in the astral / energy

Mostly when I write now, I type notes into my phone.
None of this so far is exactly the Studio Journal I had foreseen this website to be.
Bare with me, I'm still catching up on myself after a few intense years.

Words just happen in my mind and if I don't write them down they are gone for ever and I feel a sense of loss. They might not be genius, they might not be poetry but its better than feeling a sense of loss. So here are the pages of scrawl I busily input into my text phone, which will stay there until it goes offline at the end of the contract if I don't do something with them.

Words just happen in the mind and the delusion is that Mind is Self. The sooner you detach from and disassociate from Mind, the sooner you will begin to wake up and discover that Mind is telepathic and very very few of those precious thoughts originate from inside you anyway. Most of it is brainwashing and some of it is other people, be they dead or alive, trying to bake their bread with you.

The people who tell you that Mind is Self are already brainwash zombi's in fact they're worse than that, they are persuasive brainwash zombi's attempting to turn you into a drone-zombi. Do not let them. Ideally you would be able to bury them up too their neck in sand on the beach and watch the tide come in to drown the nonsense out of them, unfortunately there are rules about such behavior in polite society and so you'll probably have to humor them and avoid taking the pills they push on you. They are up to no good. Believe me, I'm a voice in your head, check it out.

She bit deep
Deeper than she knew
She plays rough
and my heart can't take it
She tries to make me break it
Forsake it
By clearing the air that she grew

Shagging everyone around
Except the man she wants to wed
Hardly knew his name before
She took him into bed
Up against the wall
The soldiers shot
A blindfold on
Just the way she did
Just to hear him say
The magick words
I love you doesn't work
When you're smelling of the war
Between the lonely souls we share
And rules we ignore
While forcing them down
To the floor
Because we got to
Keep moving on
Because we can't escape
The settled score

Insecure girls
Bending their boyfriends heads
Just for the sake of it

She said
I have high self respect
Thats why I try to take you
Out
Thats why I try to make you
Out
Thats why I cannot touch you
No matter how I want to
I have no self respect
Thats how Im going to abuse you
I said
Self respect is everything
If you got you respect the rest
She put it to the test
She broke me
Took two years and
Who keeps the baby?

Her insecurities grew So
they were all she could see
Her broke down
When she look at me
I took her for gold rags
Full of burn & bullet holes
And turned her to dream
She smokes death dry fags
And I needed cream
She tore up her hair
Fearing the care
She fled from a bed
That she had put there
and Now when I sleep
I call out her name
She won't answer
She's starting over again

These are the eyes of the world
These eyes have been it all
See through you when I was you
See through you when I was you
To feel your way
To make it true
Eyes like a rash
Crawling on skin
Like fingertips with dirty nails
Bit and chewn beneath the veil
Your heart of stone
Sinks into the ocean
Tour earth and shown
Thinks of the sea
You're too hard for me

Don't know how to communicate
Only how to dominate
I travelled among man
This is not a cult
It's called humanity
No matter how you try
To place the shame on me
The seed has been created

I think of all the girls I didn't grab
Insecurity ruling me too much to stab
In the dark track, cover your back
By closing the door before
It opens
Wide on by they go
Right on by they know
Where the ripe ones
When to say hello
Which are the right ones
They let you know, so subtly
Its lost on me
I watch them and I let it be
Always clutching for the wrong things
Next time I'll grab as they pass by
I'll try and feel the slapped cheeks
It might take a week to settle in
She's thin she's beautiful
She needs to be mine
But does she realize?
Does she decide or do I take her
On my own way?
Whose to say?

The context of the day
Everything to give them an edge
in a competetive industry.
That's why we drink blood.

If you do not get
What you want
The thing that owns you
Even though it's not in your hands
Then you will shrivel up and cry
You have a deadline
You have to die

Everywhere she has touched you
Is a neural bond
Linking both together
Fibre optic cables
Syphon off the light
It's an Energy exchange
Ten years pass and still together
Time to let her go
Dancing in the pure fire
Blue Green Purple flames
Healing as they burn
Away these anchors to the past
And who we used to be
Chains unleashed
She's free
The energy released

I wish I'd had this calm a month ago
I wish I'd had this calm so many moons ago
I wish like its never been in fashion
I wish because it's all I have that's good
I itch to be someone different,
so I don't have to feel this way.
I itch to start again
I'm dreaming of making a better living
I dreaming of waking in another town
or better yet a distant land

I'm so lonely
Everyone thinks
I'm out of their league
Sophia put me right
By teaching me this
I reach the conclusion
I reach for the stars
Its a delusion
To think that you're too far away
I will take who I want now
Its a less lonely way

And when they call
me rapist for trying
Its no different from
them calling me
rapist for turning them
down

There's a reason why
You jump into bed with strangers
It's because nobody who knows you will
She said; that's why I'm on the pill

Her's a flashback to a bitter past
She tasted of the street
She has time in her pocket
She blows in the breeze
An oaken purr
Velvet leaves
Blaming me
for Feeling like kitten
I'd call it a dragon
Her eyes are in control
Dangerous games
When death's involved

I want to use your body for our pleasure
If you make the right sounds
I'll stick around and be your fella
If you push me away
I'll push you harder
In ways to wake you up
so you'll remember

Cannot keep up with my goddess demands
When I flag she puts on her charms
Bitter and wise grow the rat-slaves of man
Deeply, this breathless air whenever we can
Hiding for Attention

His music is handwritten
What does this mean?
Reading between the lines
The truth of our prejudice is seen
The bias has been
Passing as clouds
Before the Sun
Her fun was allowed
Three's a crowd
They say to keep the world in sway
Tried breaking the taboo
Open hearts are true
Keep it in the rhythm
That works to hold the feeling
Of a timid fractured heart
Don't steal your life
From those you give it to

Her verse
In your song
Her version of you
Doesn't exist
In the real world
In the really real world
He denies it
Where you belong
Supply fabrication to stitch it up
The lying scars
The truthful hearts
The honest cuts
The fake starts
The tricky stars
Watch the shards
Come crashing down around
Splinters of a mind
Made of mirrored glass
Contains a mask
Of shadows and nuclear blast
He read feminist literature
To get inside her
To understand her rule
He had to suffer like we do
In poetic rainbow hue
Flamboyant and untrue
She was his queen until
He got too cool to soothe her
She gave him space
So he could untie her
As the silver coils pulled
Too tight around their voices
We slowly split apart
Through common social devices
The fabric frayed
A world was torn asunder
They floated on the ocean for many days
Listening to thunder

12.1.12

Walking around in town,
I see you everywhere,
I feel your textures in the grain of the world.

I wrote to you while I sat in the car;

I think about you
I care about you
I want to know you
I try to work you out
To better understand you

You opened a new gate
so that we can talk and share untainted
by the Attention curiosity of people who
count in their own ways
so the part of your complexity
a real purity
that I hold vision to
can tell the world
we are on, together
that we belong, we love each other
without the problems of the ravenous horde
of control abuse and envy
the system cruel and empty

I love you
the freedom we need
to Be

♥

using our eyes to listen
and our ears to see

and my kiss to tell you
everything about my heart,
and my heart to tell you
everything about my soul,
and to kiss you with my soul,

and I cannot do this alone
because without you,
I would not exist,
without you I am nothing

Sofia's Web

life has many paths
everyone ripples out their spider-web desires
we get caught up in believing other people
who seem firm
everything is made of spiderweb desire
the flame of passion burns right through it
we see the web more easy when it is sparkling with dew,
the rain that is pain,
sorrow looking like stars, glistening
in fires that cannot burn wet web, but can dry tears
all of these webs entangle and join,
they are spokes, cogs, they change through cycles
and they shift in the winds
the spiders make schemes
and they trap webless drifters in cocoons,
for their food and company
some of the drifters feel safer in cocoons
near the presence of one who spins webs
this mystery is from myth
these cocoons become butterflies in their own time
that is not part of the story I intended to tell, here
the world is made of spiderweb desires
and when desires change
the spiderweb is reborn in a different shape
the butterflies wings are the webs of desires
we are both spider and butterfly
the web is called the mantle
when the webs shift
we feel falling
or we hang dangling from strands
or we fly and make new webs of our own
that is the secret of why we spin
when the webs shifts
yesterdays world is gone
we cling to its fragments and weave a patchwork web
or
we start over again
spinning from the light of our heart

Facebook Notes

Bondage
the psyche patient in my head is breaking out, doesn't matter how many times, I press my face to the ground, its all turning around, so like a rainbow, made of smiling faces, behind their eyes I see, they're just as trapped as me, the patient psyche breaking out my head, the pressure grinds so many times, their faces don't matter, its all turning round, just like a smile made of rainbow faces, I see me trapped behind their eyes, I find, everything I'm looking for

Scry Reel
There's graffiti on the pillars and walls of ancient temple halls, Sunlight and moonlight and black frocks and baseball bat orange clocks, ticking backwards from the final scene seen through your dreams, dripping black and white movies from the time it was clean, in the front seats hiding backstage freaks and natural fetishistic tweaks of the bleak fat and sleek. We gather together at the edge of a rainbow, at the smashed temple for pagan star shooting ego toting mind blowing break beating horn wielding cliques of clever drifting spooks to party and moot, that's the point in a place pointed at by time, a place where there is no point, that's all gone to dust, rust and grime.

Tattoo
a picture of a celtic crossroad knotwork spider web wet upon her skin, all silver thread roads sparkling to a sacred place from where all the pretty things begin, teardrop tickles glimmer as she passes a shiver upon her breath, is midnight moonlit river of death, her eyes are black as a hearts surprise that dwells within, and sells your soul for sins, once bitten, twice shy as shadows kitten, once smitten, two thighs hide a too high too loose to decide, once dreamed by younger times, waiting far too long to know her lies, wordless her prowl amidst the talons dark draw chalk crimson runes upon the grainy floor, flayed skins of lovers past cocoon their mysteries while ink dew rorschach feathers fluff the blotter of its core, rainbow moods releasing raw emotion potions in perfume plastic vials, scribbling sentiment to take you many miles, your short affections tangled, teased and strangled, freed by knuckles grinding, finding, holding puppet threads, reading imagery within your head from deep instinct detections, shadow led through tapestries and drapes to the ancient lair, candle lit and timeless, swimming you a deeper patience, that moment lasts forever when its death; and all the thoughts and feels that you deal carry forth through stars to shape the scars the living web, that’s what she said as her demon black eyes held my gaze petrified, she crept toward her zombie corpse in which I reside, touching strands of fire, the only element to unbind and free our single purpose mind, unchained through this desire

Cost
Spending too much time on facebook instead of making the music better. Have been sampling a lot from myriad sources like the sorcerer I arrogantly proclaim myself to be, if you studied hard the many pleasures that this culture offers you would know these words are far from fantasy. As night draws darker with the wintering of wales, gray tears the size of spears fall from slate skies, pushing me indoors to thrive off gas that no man in this land comfortably affords because the war afghanistan whose weed I would prefer, black the night and plight, care not I for electric flows and my machines dream

RuStar

You’re just another guy with a guitar
You’re just another guy
You hide behind an image
With those devils eyes and a wry dry smile
You hide behind an angels words
That pull every chick for miles
You cry alone once in a while
We can see it in your heart because
We see through your alcoholic tones
We feel the same way you do
When you croon and thrum
And cut yourself deep to the bones
Just for the sake of doing it
When we swoon and strum along a strung out hang out
For the sake of doing it
So what else are we gonna do?
Chewing it over in their elephant gun, gum clinical, chemical minds
So you got scorpion bones and you got reptile clones
Dressing the way that your snakeskin vibe plies
Dancing away through the long goodnight
Before the morning awakes
Long before the morning awakes
Feathers to shake and ethics to bake
Rhythms to make and hot toddies to slake
A thirst born of motion, burning inside
Another one for the open log bonfire
Another one for the road
Kissing the toad through a vapor we sold ya’
I told ya, just another guy
Same old guitar but its
Still out of tune
Same as the roadhouse
Same as the moon
Pushing the tide out
Until time to ride out
And you know in your quick start aching heart
You’ll be back again soon

FALLING
disposable culture hero's are blameless
dejectable couture zero’s are shameless
recyclable emotional strangers are dangers
wholesome & home grown words are angels

Sword

(the walk of fame is the walk of shame)

On one side of the line
Crowds are cheering
Throwing money and flowers
Smelly soggy underwear
   Sharing in the same cool vibe
         You capture with your sounds

On one side of the line
There is a precipice
Eternal falling
The void is calling
Gravity keeps you stalling

On one side of the line
A razors edge
Cutting you
Splits you for all your dancing
   Slicing up the soles of your pretty feet
Its called self harming
And you’re soon obsolete

       You flicker blood into the empty dark
You flicker blood onto your fans
               With their outstretched hands
Some of them lick it and some of them sick it
Putting them off so gently with your funny stance

They were looking up to you
But now they look away
   Only their gazes holding you up
With every severed link, you drop
The next spectacle is just a glance away

You have to jump in
You have to join them
Faceless numbers in the crowd
            Every now and then somebody screams so loud
A few helpful plans will push them up onto
The Line

medusa's kiss
i looked into a vampires eyes, the most beautiful, sorrowful relief from life's hardness. now calling me i feel the deep pain of her heart, i see her thoughts, suffering and cold, alone. she thinks of me and my eyes see how her eyes see, and i breathe slowly and feel calm. there is tender love there. yet i know there is one way only to deal with vampire and that is to kill it dead. she needs me so much, i have to break her soul by saying no. only once she feels the loneliness of being cast aside as a soulless husk, will she know the hurt i'm in. its the same; we share, both feel the same hollow craving and it cannot be filled without binding ourselves as one, so perfect is its balance that the darkness of breaking apart again is too much to bare. we need to love ourselves and one another. the pain awakens, the sadness brings a focus so she is all i can see and that is because i am all she can see. one brief look into her perfect eyes, momentary so we yearn for more and yet a lifetime too long, we went too far, we have to forget because this ache already pains too darkly. all i am left with is the calm breath of life, a vampires gift, a healing. if we deserved to love and to be loved, would there be this feeling?

Spikes

They bullied us
We were kids
And she wasn’t ready
All the critics telling us what to think, who we are,
Without anyone listening to our hearts
And when we told them our hearts
They got mad and raged
We were too scared to run away and do it our way
Too tamed and the barbs too deeply in
The barb too deeply in
It was the neighbors baby from the start
Three months in she didn’t know
She asked me for friendship
All the adults said abortion
I wanted a kid with her
She wanted a kid
I got played by the pro’s
She got dosed and did what came natural
I went to the clinic with her and her dad
I held her hand while they scraped out the growth
I walked away because the adults shouted us down
She told everyone it was mine
Despite the dates given “within 3 days accuracy”
Proving it couldn’t have been
A decade passed before I began to come to terms with what we had been through
And how our love was sold out by the older generation
She’s been trying to conceive again with her new guy
For a decade, and can’t
I haven’t seen her since but we spoke on the phone
A few years ago, she has been drunk for ten years
This is what happens to young lovers
When jealous elders and neighbors get involved
This is a warning of british society
How it fails the people
And you never fully recover
Both still in therapy
They did it because they care, is what they tell us
To twist it deeper
A world based on Hate
Teaches; protect Love
Protect Love
Protect Love

THEY SET A PATH

And he doesn’t want to play
He sees the subtle shades
At the edges
Their colours
Their encrypted pledges
They wrote a game
They planned his way
He stood for freedom
Turned his back at every staged scene
He broke their dreams
They put him off and so
Instead he remains alone
And full of lonely sorrows
In his prison room called home
There’s no tomorrows
All he fears is the imprint
They put upon his life
Why does he feel that
Everything meant for him
Is because of their enchantments?
He turns his back
Against the Hopes of all who find him
His broken chances
It takes so long for us
To prepare him for that moment
When he meets the one he needs
He feels our watchful presence
Baited breath of spirits
We make arrangements
He is overwhelmed by our need
To see him happy
Alone he counts the aging marks
upon his face
It’s his distraction
We intercede on his behalf
Tired and afraid
Of our meddlesome games
He turns around and walks away
What broke him, long ago?
What made him so?
He says its us, its us
Stealing his enjoyment because
We watch the show
His life an act for our enjoyment
He falls into depression
We feed on his emotions
He calls us vampires
He is in a hell of spirits devising
Presented with a perfect partner,
The crucial moment where the cogs can turn his way
He feels us hoping and he turns and walks away
How can we help him?
It is his confidence we leech
It is the strength he needs to reach
And take what he needs
To take responsibility
For his own needs
Because we wait until the moment
Of his sureness and success
And we grab it away
He has been programmed this way
During his life’s journey
It is not his souls nature
But it is what he has become
We have done this to him
Through controlling the actions
Of all around him who have shaped him
Because it is that strength we need
And he is energy for us
His Yang is our greed
His masculinity our feed
We leave nothing for him
But suffering
And now you know through a channeling
The misery deed

AND SO I WENT FOR A DRIVE

cruising is what they say,
retracing my energy weave
and parking in places that feel right;
the closing of gates opened 2 years ago
when I was first in this town,
parking in bays where I opened my hopes
to a woman who hates me,because
I don't know why,
and the fight through courts for custody
of our beautiful child
As I sat I wrote,
and here is what reflections came to light;

AND TODAY THEY TOLD ME

Some girls are so oily that they slip
through your fingers,
And if shes done that to you
in a moments passing,
imagine what she's going to do
to the guy she lands on
Her bedrock is subsurface and below you.
Keep rising,
you are made for higher things

SPIRITUS MUNDI

their rules and the decisions they make
I hear them choosing
they watch the waveform
chariot card I am in car
It is a colour to them
a sound, a tone, a spectrum
Time is this, so its weave
its easy to locate and place a thread
these are the weavers of Fate
they know we operate
on emotion and rational thought or program,
so they manipulate both
by creating events and placing us
It's how they cause us to go
In one direction of flow
or another
They give us choice, but the rules they operate
mean its our subconscious desire not our willful intent
that is the crucial deciding factor defining our route
Time and Journey seesn as threads
so the free choice is often illusionary
when we are in confusion (sansara) .
I hear them observing and choosing for me
what reality Gates to offer me
based on my performance in each scene, arranged for me to test me
tempered steel
to give me the real experiences I need; properly
they weave us all together, we are all balanced a heart to a feather,
check the ripple outcome of the fetters
they must first fuck me over, so it seems
before allowing me my dreams
through a whole load of wasted chances
it gives me anger to test my patience and acceptance
I became Zen and it reveals their hand and how it functions,
which understanding increases my Zen, its a cycle of learning
burning bridges as I go in a world where seeds could be sown and grow
if only they'd let me go awhile enough to feel safe and right
in being where they place me
and I'm earning my right to take the right choice
for it to happen naturally
without their fucking meddling
they know I need what i need
and they blame me for missing my chances,
when its them who are feeding on my intended advances

1) I am not a taker
2) I am not a manipulator)
3) I am not an opportunist
4) I need to be all 3
for me to have a me
to take what i deserve

EGOLESSNESS is painful and hard
but theTRUTH is shown only to those who function without it
Ego is the colourful gray area between fulfilling our bodies and emotional needs, deep satisfaction is NOT greed
and temporal needs happens unless its in the Now
they think Im too weak to take chances
I give second glances and wish,
as I look back over my shoulder,
that I wasn't getting older as I walk away and the moment gate closes
Ego satisfying is part of the human condition
and I need to do it for the collective to earth itself and progress
Most of those who will sate my body and emotions
are not ready for my perceptions and mental devotions
and the wisdoms and insights I hold.
That's why I am cold, and aloof and alone.

Routine programmed behaviour is not easy to change
Break the routine to Break the program
its how to open up a new timestream

I there 'One Right Way' ?
the path of Insight has held me in its sway
so much so that all other paths have become frustrations as they pass me by,
lessons in the law that energy-seeks-balance and like-seeks-like,
and there isn't anyone to match me
its not arrogance and ego, its a sad fucking fact of a lonely life,
seeking understanding, compassion, human hearts
human hearts with immortal awareness are hard to find
in this world where that complicated arrangement
hardens us and keeps us focussed on the goal

We humans are the labyrinth

When being a spiritualist (has) come first,
I wish sometimes I was only a mortal human and not an immortal soul.
To take that choice - to become a vampire and engage in the life of pleasure,
instead of a spirit transmigrated through time and bodies,
aware of its thousand lives and thousand forms,
to act as one who lusts and is sated,
the Now healed because the body needs,
instead of being an observer detached to angelic realms
to analyse all these flavours of emotions
and the tarot hidden in the meaning of the scenes.

I need a spell to instantly ground myself when I recognise I'm at a Gate;
to be able to go forward with another person,
instead of the power-drain because when I peak that level,
the brightness attracts the shadows and they set upon me,
me onto a different scene with deeper comprehension
of the mechanics of reality but all the more lonely for it,
and leaving another one standing getting smaller until forgotten,
what I come away with is more powerful than romance,
according to the spirit guides who take me through this

Because by the time i am writing teaching poems: it is too late

I don't trust the fates and perhaps i should,
they hurt too much, by blaming me
I blame myself for inadequacies I perceive alone,
their ancient and ancestral shepherding of we the living herd,
goes unseen and yet Im too aware
but i choose to keep on wakening to Truth,
and so I see that reality experience is a grid of insights
outside the delusion, without the veils
when Im empowered, i see it their way,
through their multifaceted eyes I get an understanding,
how the harmonic plays to affect time,
Free of judgement; its the judgements pending,
we carry in our hearts, that are our karma
it is these very things that seem never ending
we can let go of and be who we choose
we dont have to bare the weight of false repressions
of course they don't allow me to write that until its all over,
too late to go back and pull her :(

this is what it is to have a young (and broken) heart